If you knew me before I was pregnant and compared my life then to the life I live now, you might conclude that I now go out of my way to question everything and deliberately choose whatever option seems more difficult to implement. While it may seem this way on the surface, I assure you that this is not true. Instead, I now choose to gather information and consciously make decisions that resonate with me.
Until recent weeks, I regarded my transformation as solely unique and individual. On some levels, yes. This is my journey and no one else’s. On other levels, my awakening coincides with those who have come before me and those who travel along side me now. In the near entirety of human history, women have proactively questioned patriarchal standards and sought to reconnect with their feminine nature. This questing, this journey, honors the often forgotten, often dismissed, and often (intentionally) destroyed Sacred Feminine.
What is Sacred Feminine?
- Following intuition (and not allowing this innate sense of safety and well-being to be over-ridden)
- Pursuing the most authentic path (as opposed to adhering to expected roles and making nice to avoid potential conflict)
- Communing with other women (in a way that is genuine and without judgment and competition)
- Respecting and celebrating nature and its cycles (instead of being consumed with the need to dominate and suppress them)
- Creating in its many forms (that expresses what words may not)
So there I have it. This highly individual yet collective transformation that I have been answering to has a name. On one hand, I am enjoying the solidarity, comfort, and support of knowing that other women share this journey. On the other, I am overwhelmed by the depth and breadth of what this means, what this represents in my life and in the context of human existence. I am hungry for more material on the topic, and I have begun digging for the buried treasure.
Until I am more able to put my findings on the Sacred Feminine to words, I’ll share my unique journey with you, from my pregnancy with Taylor to the present. I initially envisioned a linear re-telling of my story but quickly discovered that it is difficult to parse out this new-found normalcy because it is a web of ever-growing complexity and connection.
Pregnancy
I cruised through the first twelve weeks of pregnancy with minimal physical or emotional discomfort. I entered my second trimester and a series of prenatal yoga classes simultaneously, and my world was suddenly turned upside-down. I read two books (Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and Birthing From Within) on the instructor’s recommended list of resources and could not look at pregnancy and birth the same way again. Nearly everything I thought I knew about birth and nearly everything about birth that is perpetuated in our culture does not hold up to what is best for mothers and babies.
Discovering this information rocked me to my core, and I spent the remainder of my pregnancy learning and preparing for the safest birth for our baby girl. What I did not possess then was the vocabulary to acknowledge how the attitudes and practices around childbirth are glaring examples of how our culture has stripped away nearly all that is Feminine about this rite of passage. With every fiber of my being, I knew this revelation was a homecoming like no other.
Therapy
As I had learned in my reading, emotional upsets, whether immediately in the birth room or from the distant past, can interrupt and impede the birthing process (e.g. a stalled labor/failure to progress). In an effort to clear some deep emotional blockages from my past, I sought the counsel of a psychotherapist throughout my pregnancy. Beyond an intellectual shift and an emotional shift, I also noticed and honored a spiritual shift. Instead of driving to my appointments, I walked to my therapist’s office as a small way of helping the environment. Seemingly out of nowhere, I became more in tune with Mother Earth and her well-being.
Childbirth Preparation
With this new knowledge about pregnancy and childbirth that challenged the status quo, I needed a childbirth preparation class that supported this information and my desire to have an unmedicated birth. My yoga instructor had also recommended Birthing Intuition on her list of resources, and, without hesitation, I knew this was what would serve us best.
The facilitators, Staci and Hokhmah, honored and gently guided our journey to parenthood, and Jim and I grew in ways we could have never anticipated. In the span of eight weeks, I switched care providers and hospitals, felt inklings of connection to ceremony and ritual, and began to explore the dynamics of co-dependent relationships and inter-dependent relationships.
Birth
With the information I gathered, the emotional blockages I purged, and the birth team I assembled, I welcomed birth with an unfamiliar and liberating surrender. While some level uncertainty did naturally remain, I gave myself over to Trust — trust in the birth process, trust in the people at my side, and trust in myself. I luxuriated in labor at home and did not arrive at the hospital until long after the first urge to push washed over me. The peaceful dance of labor was interrupted by the “need” to travel and, later, by a seemingly endless list of unnecessary procedures. As I look forward, I await the opportunity to give birth in the safety of our home.
Toxins
Shortly after Taylor’s birth, Staci (our doula and one of our Birthing Intuition facilitators), e-mailed some information to me about the presence of bisphenol-A in certain brands of baby bottles, and, from there, I embarked on a learning process about environmental toxins. Baby products, like Taylor’s plastic bib, were recalled, and my awareness for these dangers rose. I then began to research the safety of cosmetics and everyday products like shampoo via the Skin Deep website. Soon after, dangerous levels of lead were detected in toys, and I tore through the house disposing of just about every single plastic toy we owned. I was fed up with the uncertainty of whether a particular synthetic substance was safe or not and opted for toys made of natural materials.
Food
As Taylor neared her first birthday and real, solid, non-pureed foods entered her diet, our pediatrician advised that we feed her food directly from our plate, provided that the foods were whole and unprocessed. More specifically, Dr. Woodard encouraged a traditional diet, as prescribed by the Weston A. Price Foundation. In addition to Nourishing Traditions: The Cookbook that Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and the Diet Dictocrats, I also read Full Moon Feast: Food and the Hunger for Connection, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year in Food Life, and The Omnivore’s Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals. My perception of what is normal and safe was rocked once again. I was (and still am) dumbfounded about how we, as a culture, pillage the very foundations of our survival.
Searching beyond the generic “organic” labels at the grocery store, I set out to find seasonal, local, food items grown and raised in the most responsible ways. I became committed to supporting local farmers and teaching Taylor through my actions that food matters. When I can’t find certain items (like dry, pantry goods) at the farmers market, I support our local, grocery co-op, who also buys from local sources when possible.
Gardening
Inspired by the books I read and by my friends’ thriving vegetable gardens, I just started digging one day. I dug and dug until I created a 14-foot by 4-foot by 1-foot deep plot in our lawn. With the beginner’s luck we enjoyed there, I expanded the garden to a second plot adjacent to it. Taylor and I enjoy getting our hands in the earth, and we are blessed to witness the resilience of nature first-hand. We have also built a worm bin in an effort to reduce waste and to replenish the soil in our garden.
Community
In the first year and a half of Taylor’s life, I yearned for more meaningful connections with other mothers, but I just didn’t know where to find them. Call it dumb-luck or fate, I eventually stumbled upon an Attachment Parenting group, and through my relationships with these moms I feel supported in where I am and in all the ways I continue to grow as an individual. Whereas previous conversations with other moms were relegated to small-talk and polite conversation, we enjoy the full range of relating to each other, sharing whatever may stir our hearts, minds, and spirits.
Parenting & Education
While in grad school earning my teaching credential and Master’s degree, I taught at a local preschool. Unbeknowst to me at the time, it was (and still is) one of the most sought after preschool programs in the city and also one of the more progressive in educational philosophy and conflict resolution. Their approach to interacting with children planted a seed which I consciously carried to subsequent classrooms and, eventually, our own home.
With teaching experience under my belt, I entered motherhood with a pretty good idea of how I wanted to parent, or so I thought. Over time, I discovered that managing (as I was taught to do in grad school) a traditional classroom of children is very different from raising my own child. While my experiences at Pacific Primary encouraged me to venture beyond widely implemented practices, I still had not traveled far enough.
In learning about different parenting approaches from my mama friends, reflecting on my own childhood, looking more closely at philosophies and practices I had yet to consider, and stretching myself beyond my comfort zone, I now parent in a way that honors my child as an innately sovereign individual. Rather than rely on old scripts from authoritarianism, I strive to create and maintain a more collaborative relationship built on mutual respect and solutions that validate and address both of our needs.
During my search I turned to re-reading How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (from my Pacific Primary days) and reading Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life, Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children, Unconditional Parenting: Moving From Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason, Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear, Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting, Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way, and A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose.
Parenting this way often goes hand-in-hand with re-examining traditional educational philosophies and practices. With the idea that each child is an innately free and unique being, suddenly, the traditional structure for school learning doesn’t hold up so well anymore. As I continue to reflect on how my parenting perspective informs the educational choices I make for Taylor, I also try to hold the awareness and space for Taylor to show me what she needs to learn and when she needs it.
Birth Advocacy
With the information I uncovered about birth before Taylor was born and my continuing interest and education around pregnancy and birth, I was (and still am) in utter disbelief. Why isn’t this information more accessible?! Why aren’t more women talking about it?!
I immediately reached out to the women I cared about most, our friends and family. Despite my concern for their well-being and my passion for the topic, my intentions to share and inform were not well received.
(Initially) dumbfounded yet still determined, I cast a wider net. I created this website and blog. I hosted a fund-raising and awareness-raising screening of The Business of Being Born. I connected with a local, homebirth midwife and her colleagues, letting them know I was available to get the word out and to collaborate with them as our government considered making changes to our healthcare system. I use my Facebook page as a platform for birth advocacy, hoping that at least one person will (maybe even reluctantly) click on one of the links I’ve shared and start questioning the status quo in maternity care. (My FB friends inform me that this has actually been successful. 
)
As I continue to mature as a birth advocate and activist, the lively flames of adrenaline and passion give way to a smoldering layer of calmer, more centered energy. I have come to realize that all I can do is stay true to myself and allow that vibration to reverberate. If she is looking for the support and information I can provide her, our paths will surely meet.
Elimination Communication
When our pediatrician introduced the practice of Elimination Communication (EC) at Taylor’s third or fourth-month check up, we politely declined. Our hands were full enough with a colicky, high-needs, possibly reflux-y baby that we could not imagine taking on anything else. However, looking back on all of that crying, it is highly likely that at least some of that fussiness came from Taylor’s need to pee and poop. Amidst all the crying, those cues went unread and unacknowledged.
Over a year later, in my life came Rebecca, Laura, and Thais, who practice EC with their sons. Hmm…maybe this whole EC thing isn’t such a foreign concept afterall. Just as babies let us know that they’re hungry, tired, or uncomfortable, they also let us know when they need to eliminate. We, as parents, just need to be open to receiving and responding to this need. Looking at it this way, it just seems to make so much sense! Less diapers, enhanced communication, and no need to later teach children to un-learn peeing and pooping on themselves. I just finished reading Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene, and I look forward to trying EC with our next child.
Health
I have never been one to reach for a bottle of pills at the first sign of pain. The thought just doesn’t cross my mind. Beyond leaving that bottle in the medicine cabinet, I, in recent years, began seeking the least invasive methods of healing. While much of Western medicine relies on suppressing symptoms and physically carving out disease, alternative medicine, on the other hand, supports the body’s propensity for wellness. In all, we have applied homeopathy, massage, acupressure, acupuncture, craniosacral therapy, chiropractic, herbs, jin shin jyutsu, yoga, chi gong, nutritional changes, and home remedies since my pregnancy with Taylor. Working with our bodies, as opposed to dominating them, just makes logical sense and intuitive sense.
Blessingways
While the trappings of traditional baby showers often focus on the external and the material, blessingway ceremonies honor the internal and ritual. Blessingways celebrate the most uniquely inherent quality of feminine life and embody all aspects of the Sacred Feminine.
Surrounded by the most intimate circle of women in her life in a physically, emotionally, and spiritually safe container, a pregnant woman’s most authentic self is welcomed and embraced. Decorations, talismans, and ceremonial objects are often items borrowed from nature. Guests work together in creating symbolic gifts, and the mother-to-be is adorned with body art. Enveloped in a womb of timelessness, all in attendance give and receive with the truest essence of who they are, and I have enjoyed the honor of hosting a handful of these ceremonies.
Outside observers of this ritual may characterize this ceremony as witch-like, and they would be absolutely correct. Witch, not in the negative light of modern times, but in an ancient sense — healer, knower, truth seeker, wise woman.
Women’s Circle
Whereas blessingways mark a single rite of passage for one woman, a women’s circle bares witness to, acknowledges, supports, and celebrates the full spectrum of life’s events for each woman who participates. Previous attempts at describing our monthly circle has left me virtually speechless. How do I describe a seemingly mundane, truly transcendent gathering of women?
Perhaps the best way to describe our circle is that each meeting is akin to a blessingway ceremony for all of us. The candles, the sage, the centering, the grounding, the sharing, the deep searching, the mystery, the trust, the talismans, the symbology, the giving, the receiving – it’s all there, every month as respite and nourishment for our spirits. I thank Hokhmah, my Sisters, and the Universe for showing up for me in this way.
Layering & Weaving
My Sacred Feminine ah-ha moment first flickered into identification as I read Sue Monk Kidd’s Traveling with Pomegranates: A Mother-Daughter Story before the new year. My discovery suspended itself between disbelief and deep resonance, between Oh, my god(dess)! Has she been spying on our women’s circles?! and Amen, Sista! . In this co-authored memoir with her daughter, Sue Monk Kidd references one of her previous books, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman’s Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine, as it chronicles her own Sacred Feminine journey, and, of course, I needed to devour that book too.
Hungry for more, I discovered Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype and Kiss Sleeping Beauty Good-bye: Breaking the Spell of Feminine Myths and Models, both of which I am reading right now. However, like eating an ever-lasting piece of dense, chocolate cake, I take mindful pauses between bites to facilitate digestion. This lengthy post is one of those pauses, and now I am ready for another morsel.
