lydia : an urban crunchy mama

This has been the working title of a blog post I’ve been wanting to write for over a year now. I was in the process of collecting some key conversation points that might tip you off that something just isn’t quite right with what your doctor is telling you about your pregnancy and birth. However, since there are just so many ways to call “Bullshit!” when your OB does or says something to you during an appointment, writing the post became extremely daunting.

Disclaimer: When I say “OB” I’m really referring to whomever you choose as your provider throughout pregnancy and birth, who could also be a family physician or midwife. I simply defaulted to whom the majority of women in this country choose for maternity care. Also, be assured that there are many  providers that do practice evidence-based care (care based on the safest outcomes). To find them; however, you first need to know what you are looking for.

Rather than continue with the writing I started, I’ll share excerpts from a publication that culls the knowledge of a team of birth professionals with decades of experience and add my own commentary.

Choices in Childbirth just published the 2009/2010 National Guide to a Healthy Birth, and I recommend that all pregnant women (whether first-time or veteran mothers) read this guide before their next prenatal appointment. It is packed with invaluable information, precisely the information that can be excluded from doctors’ offices and childbirth education classes. I cannot stress enough how important it is for women to access and utilize this resource.

A woman’s choice of care provider for her pregnancy and birth is the single most important decision she can make to determine the type of birth experience she will have.

Choosing one care provider over another can determine whether he will attend a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) birth or not; allow eating and drinking in labor or not; approach pregnancy and birth as a physiological process or as a medically managed procedure, among a myriad of other decision points. I would also extend this level of consideration to the colleagues in your provider’s practice, as any of one of them may actually attend your birth.

Refer to the guide for questions to ask your provider. In all likelihood, these questions will spark questions of your own and encourage you to educate yourself on how decisions will impact your well-being and your baby’s well-being.

Receive accurate and up-to-date information about the benefits and risks of all procedures, drugs, and tests suggested for use during pregnancy, birth, and the postpartum period, with the rights to informed consent and informed refusal.

While certain procedures, drugs, and tests may be standard protocol for a particular provider or birth location, they may not be the safest options for you and your baby. Likewise, while certain procedures, drugs, and tests may be commonplace for your friends, family members, and the culture at large, they may not be the safest options for you and your baby.

Ask about, research, and understand the risks and benefits of procedures, drugs, and tests before agreeing to them. Know that you have a right to refuse them.

For example, EFM (electronic fetal monitors), the belt strapped across a woman’s belly to continuously track and record fetal heartrates, first made their way into maternity wards in the 1970’s. Although initially reserved for only “high-risk” women, EFM quickly became mandated by hospitals on nearly all laboring mothers. Despite over 30 years of routine use and upwards of 93% of women in labor wearing them, EFM has not improved outcomes – meaning rates of infant mortality, cerebral palsy, and infants requiring additional care immediately after birth in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit have not improved. Rates of Cesarean Section have not improved either, skyrocketing from 5% in 1970 to 31% in 2006.

Some questions that might arise as a result of discovering this information may be, “How does my provider monitor my baby’s well-being during labor? How does her method of monitoring affect my ability to move freely during labor? Is there an alternative to continuous EFM?”

To be sure you will get the kind of help you will need  in labor, consider having a birth doula.

As much love as your life partner, friend, or family member may have for you, how experienced are they in witnessing and supporting women in birth? It can be difficult for a loved one to watch you move and sound in pain, hour after hour. How detached from the situation can this loved one become when you reach a challenging moment? Can the loved one push his or her anxiety aside and suggest just the right encouragement, just the right position change, just the right energy shift to buoy you along?

What about routine obstetric procedures and medical jargon? When you have a decision to make, can you rely on your loved one to accurately recall the evidence-based information that will help you make an informed decision? And then, can the loved one, once again, put his or her anxiety aside to communicate and ensure that the your needs and wishes are met?

Studies show that women who have doulas support them in birth experience lower rates of interventions (i.e. C-sections, vaccum deliveries, forceps deliveries, pain medications, augmented labors), shorter labors, and higher levels of satisfaction with their overall birth experience. Research also shows benefits that extend to the postpartum period, to infant-family bonding, and to women’s partners.

It is a good idea to interview at least two to three providers. It is never too late to change providers if you are not comfortable with the answers you receive.

Women choose their care providers for a variety of reasons. Maybe she’s done your pap smears for years. Maybe her office is convenienty located to your home or office. Or maybe she was recommended by a trusted friend. Whatever the reasons may be, they do not automatically qualify your provider to be the best fit for you in pregnancy in birth.

Some women may feel guilty for even thinking about switching providers, but this guilt is unwarranted. Just like any other service, if a client’s needs and wants don’t match up to what the provider can give, it’s time to move on and find someone with the proper skill set. Refer to the guide for a list of questions to ask.

Most believe PPD (Postpartum Depression) only happens to somebody else, but in reality it can strike any woman, either immediately after the birth of her baby or months after.

The transition into motherhood can be overwhelming enough. Add the variables of women being physically isolated from supportive family members, births becoming increasingly interventive, notions that asking for help is a sign of ineptitude, and proper breastfeeding support often being difficult to find, women can find themselves in utter dispair. Acknowledging possible PPD and finding appropriate support and treatment is crucial.

When labors are started artificially near or before your due date, babies are at risk of being born before their bodies are ready. This can lead to extra medical care, prolonged hospital stays, and, possibly, long-term effects on their brain function and learning abilities…Pharmaceutical induction before a woman’s body is ready for birth can lead to long, complicated labors. In fact, if it is your first baby, an induction of labor doubles your chances of having a cesarean section.

Without conducting fancy studies, one could easily ascertain the relative frequency of induced and augmented labors just by visiting online forums, reading Facebook status notices, watching so-called “reality” birth shows, and engaging in everyday conversations with others about birth. While it may be commonplace to read or hear that a woman’s labor was induced due to being “overdue”, having her water break, or carrying an estimated “big” baby, these are not automatic justifications for artificially starting labor.

How do you avoid an unnecessary induction (or any other unnecessary procedure, for that matter)? Educate yourself on physiological birth. Learn the risks and benefits of intervening in a healthy pregnancy and birth. Find a provider that practices maternity care in alignment with your needs and desires.

As the cesarean rate continues to climb year after year, it becomes increasingly important for women to have access to VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean), and to more information about the benefits and risks of VBAC and repeat cesarean.

The World Health Organization states that when C-section rates rise above 10-15%, the dangers of surgery outweigh the lifesaving benefits it is supposed to provide. As of 2007, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revealed that 31% of women underwent surgery to birth their babies, meaning over half of the C-sections in our country are unnecessary. 

Why is this such a big deal? Having a C-section means higher rates of infertility, ectopic pregnancy, potentially severe placental problems in future pregnancies, among other risks for both mother and baby. In terms of future births, many providers will not “allow” their clients to have a vaginal birth after a cesarean birth, even though vaginal birth can be significantly safer than undergoing surgery again.

If you are a first-time mother, educate yourself and do all that you can to avoid a C-section. If you have given birth vaginally to previous children, continue to educate yourself by accessing resources like the 2009/2010 National Guide to a Healthy Birth. If you have given birth via cesarean, learn about the risks and benefits of repeat surgery and VBAC, and find a provider that will support you in your decision.

The guide also provides a list of C-section rates by state for the years 2000 and 2007. Notice the increase in surgical births. Also notice how greatly one state’s C-section rate varies from another. What’s happening in Florida that’s not happening in New Mexico and vice versa? While it is helpful to see the trends in your particular state, what’s going on in your city? At your hospital? With your provider? At local birth centers? With local, homebirth midwives?

You may not know that what you and others around you do in that very first hour of your baby’s life can have a significant — even lifelong — impact on the bond you have with your baby.

If you give birth at a location that attends a high volume of births (i.e. a hospital), many of the procedures before, during, and after birth are standardized. As a way of managing the sheer number of clients and their babies, a series of to-do lists are set in motion. Often clients do not question any of the items on these lists because clients assume that every item must safe and in the best interest of mothers and babies. Here again, this may not be true.

Read what Robert Sears, MD has to say about what may or may not be necessary immediately after birth and what will optimize that first hour after birth.

For many women, birthing at home or at a birth center, with a qualified and experienced provider, is a safe and legal option.

You may have heard the buzz about the documentary film, The Business of Being Born. You may have read about celebrities like Cindy Crawford and Gisele Bundchen giving birth at home. Or perhaps you may have heard about the 2005 study in the British Medical Journal that concludes homebirth is a safe and highly satisfying option for low-risk women. The awareness around maternity care is growing. Take a look around and discover the safest options for you and your children.

Like care providers, there are innumerable organizations and agencies that offer services of interest to birthing women.

It can be easy and tempting to simply go along with what “everyone else” seems to be doing, to be a “good” patient and not question any procedures, tests, or drugs that may cross your path during pregnancy and birth. It is understandable how many women can be driven by a culture of fear, especially after watching TV shows that only focus on what can go wrong and on misinformation.

But I ask you to rise above all of that, for your well-being and for your children’s well-being.  Ask questions. Search for accurate information. Follow your intuition. Make informed decisions. Connect with communities that will support you in your journey to motherhood.

Mother of Earth : Birth

O beautiful birther of life into form, my radiant Mother of Earth
Make me one with your creative force, as we bring new life to birth.

* * *

Invoke the powerful creative force that drives this Earth Mother when it is time to bring new life into form. Her beauty and strength are here to support you when stamina is necessary to follow through with cycles that are in limbo or slow to manifest. Be it creative ideas, realized goals, or Earthly gifts, ask for Her aid and She will bring it to you.

This Goddess of Birth knows well all the dimensions of Creation and the art of manifestation. Call in Earth Mother to birth into form all that you desire. It is Her joy to bring Her gifts to you.

* * *

Mom, Dad, and Sister are calling you in, Baby Spirit.

If you knew me before I was pregnant and compared my life then to the life I live now, you might conclude that I now go out of my way to question everything and deliberately choose whatever option seems more difficult to implement. While it may seem this way on the surface, I assure you that this is not true. Instead, I now choose to gather information and consciously make decisions that resonate with me.

Until recent weeks, I regarded my transformation as solely unique and individual. On some levels, yes. This is my journey and no one else’s. On other levels, my awakening coincides with those who have come before me and those who travel along side me now. In the near entirety of human history, women have proactively questioned patriarchal standards and sought to reconnect with their feminine nature. This questing, this journey, honors the often forgotten, often dismissed, and often (intentionally) destroyed Sacred Feminine.

What is Sacred Feminine?

• Following intuition (and not allowing this innate sense of safety and well-being to be over-ridden)
• Pursuing the most authentic path (as opposed to adhering to expected roles and making nice to avoid potential conflict)
• Communing with other women (in a way that is genuine and without judgment and competition)
• Respecting and celebrating nature and its cycles (instead of being consumed with the need to dominate and suppress them)
• Creating in its many forms (that expresses what words may not)

So there I have it. This highly individual yet collective transformation that I have been answering to has a name. On one hand, I am enjoying the solidarity, comfort, and support of knowing that other women share this journey. On the other, I am overwhelmed by the depth and breadth of what this means, what this represents in my life and in the context of human existence. I am hungry for more material on the topic, and I have begun digging for the buried treasure.

Until I am more able to put my findings on the Sacred Feminine to words, I’ll share my unique journey with you, from my pregnancy with Taylor to the present. I initially envisioned a linear re-telling of my story but quickly discovered that it is difficult to parse out this new-found normalcy because it is a web of ever-growing complexity and connection.

Pregnancy
I cruised through the first twelve weeks of pregnancy with minimal physical or emotional discomfort. I entered my second trimester and a series of prenatal yoga classes simultaneously, and my world was suddenly turned upside-down. I read two books (Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth and Birthing From Within) on the instructor’s recommended list of resources and could not look at pregnancy and birth the same way again. Nearly everything I thought I knew about birth and nearly everything about birth that is perpetuated in our culture does not hold up to what is best for mothers and babies.

Discovering this information rocked me to my core, and I spent the remainder of my pregnancy learning and preparing for the safest birth for our baby girl. What I did not possess then was the vocabulary to acknowledge how the attitudes and practices around childbirth are glaring examples of how our culture has stripped away nearly all that is Feminine about this rite of passage. With every fiber of my being, I knew this revelation was a homecoming like no other.

Therapy
As I had learned in my reading, emotional upsets, whether immediately in the birth room or from the distant past, can interrupt and impede the birthing process (e.g. a stalled labor/failure to progress). In an effort to clear some deep emotional blockages from my past, I sought the counsel of a psychotherapist throughout my pregnancy. Beyond an intellectual shift and an emotional shift, I also noticed and honored a spiritual shift. Instead of driving to my appointments, I walked to my therapist’s office as a small way of helping the environment. Seemingly out of nowhere, I became more in tune with Mother Earth and her well-being.

Childbirth Preparation
With this new knowledge about pregnancy and childbirth that challenged the status quo, I needed a childbirth preparation class that supported this information and my desire to have an unmedicated birth. My yoga instructor had also recommended Birthing Intuition on her list of resources, and, without hesitation, I knew this was what would serve us best.

The facilitators, Staci and Hokhmah, honored and gently guided our journey to parenthood, and Jim and I grew in ways we could have never anticipated. In the span of eight weeks, I switched care providers and hospitals, felt inklings of connection to ceremony and ritual, and began to explore the dynamics of co-dependent relationships and inter-dependent relationships.

Birth
With the information I gathered, the emotional blockages I purged, and the birth team I assembled, I welcomed birth with an unfamiliar and liberating surrender. While some level uncertainty did naturally remain, I gave myself over to Trust — trust in the birth process, trust in the people at my side, and trust in myself. I luxuriated in labor at home and did not arrive at the hospital until long after the first urge to push washed over me. The peaceful dance of labor was interrupted by the “need” to travel and, later, by a seemingly endless list of unnecessary procedures. As I look forward, I await the opportunity to give birth in the safety of our home.

Toxins
Shortly after Taylor’s birth, Staci (our doula and one of our Birthing Intuition facilitators), e-mailed some information to me about the presence of bisphenol-A in certain brands of baby bottles, and, from there, I embarked on a learning process about environmental toxins. Baby products, like Taylor’s plastic bib, were recalled, and my awareness for these dangers rose. I then began to research the safety of cosmetics and everyday products like shampoo via the Skin Deep website. Soon after, dangerous levels of lead were detected in toys, and I tore through the house disposing of just about every single plastic toy we owned. I was fed up with the uncertainty of whether a particular synthetic substance was safe or not and opted for toys made of natural materials.

Food
As Taylor neared her first birthday and real, solid, non-pureed foods entered her diet, our pediatrician advised that we feed her food directly from our plate, provided that the foods were whole and unprocessed. More specifically, Dr. Woodard encouraged a traditional diet, as prescribed by the Weston A. Price Foundation. In addition to Nourishing Traditions: The Cookbook that Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and the Diet Dictocrats, I also read Full Moon Feast: Food and the Hunger for Connection,  Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year in Food Life, and The Omnivore’s Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals. My perception of what is normal and safe was rocked once again. I was (and still am) dumbfounded about how we, as a culture, pillage the very foundations of our survival.

Searching beyond the generic “organic” labels at the grocery store, I set out to find seasonal, local, food items grown and raised in the most responsible ways. I became committed to supporting local farmers and teaching Taylor through my actions that food matters. When I can’t find certain items (like dry, pantry goods) at the farmers market, I support our local, grocery co-op, who also buys from local sources when possible.

Gardening
Inspired by the books I read and by my friends’ thriving vegetable gardens, I just started digging one day. I dug and dug until I created a 14-foot by 4-foot by 1-foot deep plot in our lawn. With the beginner’s luck we enjoyed there, I expanded the garden to a second plot adjacent to it. Taylor and I enjoy getting our hands in the earth, and we are blessed to witness the resilience of nature first-hand. We have also built a worm bin in an effort to reduce waste and to replenish the soil in our garden.

Community
In the first year and a half of Taylor’s life, I yearned for more meaningful connections with other mothers, but I just didn’t know where to find them. Call it dumb-luck or fate, I eventually stumbled upon an Attachment Parenting group, and through my relationships with these moms I feel supported in where I am and in all the ways I continue to grow as an individual. Whereas previous conversations with other moms were relegated to small-talk and polite conversation, we enjoy the full range of relating to each other, sharing whatever may stir our hearts, minds, and spirits.

Parenting & Education
While in grad school earning my teaching credential and Master’s degree, I taught at a local preschool. Unbeknowst to me at the time, it was (and still is) one of the most sought after preschool programs in the city and also one of the more progressive in educational philosophy and conflict resolution. Their approach to interacting with children planted a seed which I consciously carried to subsequent classrooms and, eventually, our own home.

With teaching experience under my belt, I entered motherhood with a pretty good idea of how I wanted to parent, or so I thought. Over time, I discovered that managing (as I was taught to do in grad school) a traditional classroom of children is very different from raising my own child. While my experiences at Pacific Primary encouraged me to venture beyond widely implemented practices, I still had not traveled far enough.

In learning about different parenting approaches from my mama friends, reflecting on my own childhood, looking more closely at philosophies and practices I had yet to consider, and stretching myself beyond my comfort zone, I now parent in a way that honors my child as an innately sovereign individual. Rather than rely on old scripts from authoritarianism, I strive to create and maintain a more collaborative relationship built on mutual respect and solutions that validate and address both of our needs.

During my search I turned to re-reading How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (from my Pacific Primary days) and reading Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life, Parent Effectiveness Training: The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children, Unconditional Parenting: Moving From Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason, Connection Parenting: Parenting Through Connection Instead of Coercion, Through Love Instead of Fear, Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting, Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way, and A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose.

Parenting this way often goes hand-in-hand with re-examining traditional educational philosophies and practices. With the idea that each child is an innately free and unique being, suddenly, the traditional structure for school learning doesn’t hold up so well anymore. As I continue to reflect on how my parenting perspective informs the educational choices I make for Taylor, I also try to hold the awareness and space for Taylor to show me what she needs to learn and when she needs it.

Birth Advocacy
With the information I uncovered about birth before Taylor was born and my continuing interest and education around pregnancy and birth, I was (and still am) in utter disbelief. Why isn’t this information more accessible?! Why aren’t more women talking about it?!

I immediately reached out to the women I cared about most, our friends and family. Despite my concern for their well-being and my passion for the topic, my intentions to share and inform were not well received.

(Initially) dumbfounded yet still determined, I cast a wider net. I created this website and blog. I hosted a fund-raising and awareness-raising screening of The Business of Being Born. I connected with a local, homebirth midwife and her colleagues, letting them know I was available to get the word out and to collaborate with them as our government considered making changes to our healthcare system. I use my Facebook page as a platform for birth advocacy, hoping that at least one person will (maybe even reluctantly) click on one of the links I’ve shared and start questioning the status quo in maternity care. (My FB friends inform me that this has actually been successful. )

As I continue to mature as a birth advocate and activist, the lively flames of adrenaline and passion give way to a smoldering layer of calmer, more centered energy. I have come to realize that all I can do is stay true to myself and allow that vibration to reverberate. If she is looking for the support and information I can provide her, our paths will surely meet.

Elimination Communication
When our pediatrician introduced the practice of Elimination Communication (EC) at Taylor’s third or fourth-month check up, we politely declined. Our hands were full enough with a colicky, high-needs, possibly reflux-y baby that we could not imagine taking on anything else. However, looking back on all of that crying, it is highly likely that at least some of that fussiness came from Taylor’s need to pee and poop. Amidst all the crying, those cues went unread and unacknowledged.

Over a year later, in my life came Rebecca, Laura, and Thais, who practice EC with their sons. Hmm…maybe this whole EC thing isn’t such a foreign concept afterall. Just as babies let us know that they’re hungry, tired, or uncomfortable, they also let us know when they need to eliminate. We, as parents, just need to be open to receiving and responding to this need. Looking at it this way, it just seems to make so much sense! Less diapers, enhanced communication, and no need to later teach children to un-learn peeing and pooping on themselves. I just finished reading Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene, and I look forward to trying EC with our next child.

Health
I have never been one to reach for a bottle of pills at the first sign of pain. The thought just doesn’t cross my mind. Beyond leaving that bottle in the medicine cabinet, I, in recent years, began seeking the least invasive methods of healing. While much of Western medicine relies on suppressing symptoms and physically carving out disease, alternative medicine, on the other hand, supports the body’s propensity for wellness. In all, we have applied homeopathy, massage, acupressure, acupuncture, craniosacral therapy, chiropractic, herbs, jin shin jyutsu, yoga, chi gong, nutritional changes, and home remedies since my pregnancy with Taylor. Working with our bodies, as opposed to dominating them, just makes logical sense and intuitive sense.

Blessingways
While the trappings of traditional baby showers often focus on the external and the material, blessingway ceremonies honor the internal and ritual. Blessingways celebrate the most uniquely inherent quality of feminine life and embody all aspects of the Sacred Feminine.

Surrounded by the most intimate circle of women in her life in a physically, emotionally, and spiritually safe container, a pregnant woman’s most authentic self is welcomed and embraced. Decorations, talismans, and ceremonial objects are often items borrowed from nature. Guests work together in creating symbolic gifts, and the mother-to-be is adorned with body art. Enveloped in a womb of timelessness, all in attendance give and receive with the truest essence of who they are, and I have enjoyed the honor of hosting a handful of these ceremonies.

Outside observers of this ritual may characterize this ceremony as witch-like, and they would be absolutely correct. Witch, not in the negative light of modern times, but in an ancient sense — healer, knower, truth seeker, wise woman.

Women’s Circle
Whereas blessingways mark a single rite of passage for one woman, a women’s circle bares witness to, acknowledges, supports, and celebrates the full spectrum of life’s events for each woman who participates. Previous attempts at describing our monthly circle has left me virtually speechless. How do I describe a seemingly mundane, truly transcendent gathering of women?

Perhaps the best way to describe our circle is that each meeting is akin to a blessingway ceremony for all of us. The candles, the sage, the centering, the grounding, the sharing, the deep searching, the mystery, the trust, the talismans, the symbology, the giving, the receiving – it’s all there, every month as respite and nourishment for our spirits. I thank Hokhmah, my Sisters, and the Universe for showing up for me in this way.

Layering & Weaving
My Sacred Feminine ah-ha moment first flickered into identification as I read Sue Monk Kidd’s Traveling with Pomegranates: A Mother-Daughter Story before the new year. My discovery suspended itself between disbelief and deep resonance, between Oh, my god(dess)! Has she been spying on our women’s circles?! and Amen, Sista! . In this co-authored memoir with her daughter, Sue Monk Kidd references one of her previous books, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: A Woman’s Journey from Christian Tradition to the Sacred Feminine, as it chronicles her own Sacred Feminine journey, and, of course, I needed to devour that book too.

Hungry for more, I discovered Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype and Kiss Sleeping Beauty Good-bye: Breaking the Spell of Feminine Myths and Models, both of which I am reading right now. However, like eating an ever-lasting piece of dense, chocolate cake, I take mindful pauses between bites to facilitate digestion. This lengthy post is one of those pauses, and now I am ready for another morsel.

“Are you making enough milk?,” well-meaning people in my life would ask. And it took just about all my strength not to snarl back like a Mama Bear, “Of course, I am! Damn It! Now, back off!”

I spent months preparing for labor and birth, but I spent very little time, in comparison, preparing for a breastfeeding relationship. Sure, I took the breastfeeding class at the hospital, and I read a book about nursing before Taylor was born. But I had no idea how difficult it would be to establish and maintain an ample milk supply.

In a nutshell, I nursed Taylor until she weaned herself before her third birthday, supplementing with a bottle of formula a day until her first birthday. However, as I looked back on those three years, I wondered if it had to be so hard. Were those tears shed over my ability to feed my baby part of the normal process, or was there more to learn about this elegant process nature had designed?

This post is for all nursing moms. Whether you’re a first-time mom, a mom who has questions about how your previous nursing experiences could have been better, or a nursing veteran, you are likely to find enlightening, evidence-based nuggets of information in The Breastfeeding Mother’s Guide to Making More Milk.

Although the book is more of a troubleshooting guide and a reference for increasing a low milk supply, every single nursing mother-to-be should read this book! As well-meaning as family members, friends, and even some experts (like doctors, nurses, doulas, and lactation consultants) may be, they may also unknowingly perpetuate misinformation that could be detrimental to your milk supply and your overall nursing relationship. This book will untangle the conflicting advice and also offer advice for women in a wide variety of unique situations (e.g. working mothers, breast surgery patients, women wanting to restart lactation, adoptive mothers, etc.). I am truly impressed by its the breadth.

As I read, I couldn’t help but get a little emotional. I received and followed so much misinformation that it’s a wonder that I nursed as long as I did. Below I share advice from The Breastfeeding Mother’s Guide to Making More Milk that resonates with my experiences and/or because it is a common myth that needs clarification.

It is likely (mis)information, not you.
My mom tried breastfeeding me and then my brother ten years later, but she just “didn’t have enough milk”. One of my family members latched on to this piece of information and reminded me of it over and over again, warning me that I likely inherited this same trait. Unlike my mother, I received some support and information in a slightly more nursing-friendly cultural climate. The information I received wasn’t quite accurate, but it was more than my mother received. While genetics can play a role in milk production, low milk supply can more often be attributed to misinformation.

Respond to your baby, not the clock.
I left the hospital with instructions to nurse Taylor every three hours for at least twenty minutes on each breast. Like a diligent student, I followed through. However, eight feedings in a day is the absolute, bare-minimum a baby should be fed to encourage ample milk supply, and the speed at which a baby extracts hindmilk from his mother varies from baby to baby.

Overall, the more milk a baby removes from the breasts, the more milk is produced. Therefore, the first days and weeks after birth are crucial to calibrating a woman’s long-term milk supply. Next time around, I’m indulging in an extended babymoon to ensure that our baby receives all the milk he or she needs and wants.

A fussy baby may be responding to slow(er) flow, not no flow.
As a baby empties her mother’s breast, the flow of milk decreases over the course of the feeding. While the flow rate may decrease, it does not stop. So as I padded my breasts, noticed how deflated they felt, and wondered if any milk was left in them, milk was still flowing, and I didn’t need to worry that nothing was coming out.

Although a bottle may calm a baby, he may not be hungry.
(Talk about a doozie! This factoid blew my mind!) If a baby fusses after a feeding, his parents may logically deduce that he is still hungry and then prepare a bottle of formula for him. Even if he accepts the bottle without complaint (and may actually seem quite calm afterwards), hunger may not have been the desire that needed to be addressed.

(Wow! I’m still reeling after this one!) This is exactly what we did with Taylor, and we even have video footage to prove it! I know how distressing it is to watch your baby cry and how reassuring it is to watch her calm almost instantly with a bottle in her mouth. But how confusing it must be for sleep-deprived parents when this happens, especially when the hospital provided formula samples and/or the formula company “so generously” sent samples directly to their doorstep. It’s just so easy to prepare a bottle to see what happens.

But here’s the problem. Because the baby accepted the bottle, his parents usually assume that Mom isn’t making enough milk, so (with the best of intentions) they begin to feed him formula after each feeding. In short time, Mom is truly not making enough milk because her breasts aren’t being stimulated enough, and she may even cease to lactate altogether because the bottle feeding has replaced breastfeeding. It’s a slippery slope.

Pumping may not be an accurate way of measuring milk production.
As Taylor neared her first birthday, we hired a sleep consultant because we needed extra support. Taylor was a very colicky baby. She didn’t sleep like “normal” babies were supposed to, and we just didn’t know what else to do. Our sleep consultant wanted to make sure that Taylor was getting enough breastmilk everyday, so she asked me to pump and measure how much milk I expressed.

I rented a pump from the hospital, and to my dismay, almost nothing came out. After several days of trying, I cried and cried to the brink of near surrender. Jim assured me that Taylor had already received so much breastmilk over the previous nine months and that he fully supported my decision to stop nursing if that’s what I wanted. I am forever grateful that I listened to my intuition and persevered, for nursing became more enjoyable as Taylor grew. Nursing became less about survival and more about bonding. Had I quit in exasperation, I would have missed out on this special time with my daughter.

Weight gain is the best way to determine if your baby is getting enough milk.
Consistency is key in weighing your baby. Consistency in using the same electronic scale, in completely disrobing her, in the time of day the reading is taken, in relation to feedings and bowel movements, and in double-checking the read out with the written record.

If supplementing, offer the bottle and then the breast.
If a mother offers her breasts first and follows with a supplementation of formula, the baby may learn to “hold out” for the fast and easy flow of the bottle. And over time, Mom’s supply decreases even more, and she is in jeopardy of losing her supply altogether. Conversely, when the baby receives the bottle first, the formula takes the “edge” off of his hunger, and he may be more willing to patiently work at milking his mother’s breasts for more nourishment.

Don’t skip nighttime feedings.
Levels of prolactin, the hormone that stimulates milk production, are higher at night during sleep, and the body’s response to Baby’s suckling is stronger at night. So when nighttime feedings are skipped, women are missing crucial breast stimulation for milk production and may jeopardize overall supply.

Because Taylor was colicky, her pediatrician prescribed formula with pre-digested proteins to see if it would help. As Jim fed a bottle of formula to Taylor each night, I stayed in bed and took advantage of that time by sleeping. However, instead of sleeping, I should have been pumping to encourage milk production and make up for the feeding session I didn’t offer. We eventually learned that the formula did not help her colic, but by that time, my body had decreased its production of milk, so we continued with that bottle of formula until her first birthday. As they say, hindsight is 20/20.

The authors thoughtfully address feelings of guilt or regret with this reassurance.

You did not know then what you know now or you might have made a different decision.

This certainly holds true for me. Looking back, I wish I would have made different decisions, but I was limited by the information available to me. When the time comes for me to prepare for my next nursing relationship, I will undoubtedly refer to The Breastfeeding Mother’s Guide to Making More Milk.

I thought to myself that women must have the whale’s instinct. When we set out on a woman’s journey, we are often swimming a high and unruly sea, and we seem to know that the important thing is to swim together–to send out our vibrations, our stories, so that no one gets lost…I hoped my story might help you find or keep your bearings or encourage you to send out your own vibrations.

– Sue Monk Kidd, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter

Not two pages into Kidd’s book, and I am enveloped in how deeply our individual yet shared journeys resonate within me.

the whale’s instinct: I often liken the sounding and moaning of my labor with Taylor to those of a mama whale, and it was my pregnancy with Taylor that marked the beginning of my conscious choice to be awake.

swimming a high and unruly sea: At times, finding my most authentic path as a mother, as a woman, as a human on this planet, feels like swimming upstream and against the established tide.

the important thing is to swim together: As I integrated more fully into the mother and person I have since become, creating community with other women who share this transformation was crucial to what I had begun on my own. With them, my cosmic Sisters, I am deeply entwined in a soulful companionship in which our most authentic selves meet. We uplift each other, not in superficiality or hollow applause and compliments. No. We show up fully and bare witness to each other’s journey, not in judgment but in Presence.

to send out our vibrations, our stories, so that no one gets lost: As swimmers often traveling upstream, it can be difficult to find support and to remain in our own authority, in our own authenticity. We are here to reflect back to each other what each of us finds to be True.

I hoped my story might help you find or keep your bearings or encourage you to send out your own vibrations: This intention called me to create this website and blog, and I continue to hold this same intention every time I share part of my journey with you.

When I was a kid I was warned of Stranger Danger, the idea that all strangers pose a potential threat to my safety and should be granted significantly less trust than people in our social circle. From what I remember, the curriculum at school urged us not to talk to strangers. Period. End of story.

Somehow or another, I caught wind of how safety messages have shifted over the years, how the Stranger Danger campaign never really held up to reality and how a new approach may be more appropriate for really keeping kids safer. So now that Taylor’s world is widening with connections to our friends, her teachers, and her classmates and their families, I felt it was time to do a little digging.

Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) by Gavin de Becker is in my current stack of books from the library, and I finished reading it last week. It’s now heavily bookmarked with stickies, and I plan type up a very detailed cheat sheet for myself soon. In the meantime, I’ll share interesting bits of information (some of which may debunk the myths we were taught).

Note: The edition I read was published in 1999.

• The most important tool in keeping kids (and adults) safe is something each of us already has — our intuition. It is important for parents to nurture their kids’ intuitions and to avoid compromising their natural instincts for the sake of making nice. For example, if a child feels uneasy about giving Aunt Susie a hug, this uneasiness needs to be respected (despite whatever social discomfort may result).
• About 10% of child sexual abuse is comitted by strangers, which means about 90% of child sexual abuse is comitted by someone the child knows. While child abuductions at the hands of strangers are sensationalized in the media, the reality is that a child is much more likely to be abused by someone he or she knows.
• 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys will have sexual contact with an adult.
• There are 5 typical signs of denial when someone chooses to ignore his or her intuition — rationalization, justification, minimization, excuse-making, and refusal.
• The “Don’t Talk to Strangers” motto doesn’t hold up, in part, because children see their parents talking to strangers all the time, like the mail carrier, the woman behind them in the grocery line, and the cashier at the clothing store.
• If a child becomes separated from her parent, she should seek the help of a woman (not a policeman, not a store manager, or any other old-school figures we were advised to seek out). The old-school solutions are just impractical. Children should choose a woman because, statistically speaking, women are much less likely to be predators, and women are more likely than men to follow through with the task until the child is reunited. Parents should feel assured that if their child’s intuition has been nurtured, the child will choose a safe stranger to help her.
• There are 12 key questions children should be able to answer before they are left alone in public, 12 tough questions that adults may actually struggle with.
• There are comprehensive lists (read: loaded with “uncomfortably” tough) questions parents should ask nannies, babysitters, their child’s friend’s parents, and schools that often go un-asked because parents assume that a place or person must be OK if so-and-so trusts him or hundreds of other parents send their kids to a particular school.
• Impact for Kids and Kidpower are two organizations that teach children and adults self-defense and other personal safety skills.

Some may say that reading this kind of book will only feed parents’ fears, but I would argue that just the opposite is true. With information, parents can be empowered in their decision-making.

Part of an internal dialog, in process for several weeks now…

I’ve been checking out stack after stack of library books for Taylor, and I finally decided to put just as much effort into finding books for myself. A friend recently recommended Self-made Man: One Woman’s Journey Into Manhood and Back for more insight on how our culture’s expectations and biases affect males.

The author, a lesbian disguised as a man for 18 months, infiltrates a men’s bowling league, a high-pressure sales job, and a monastery, visits strip clubs, and dates women. In the end, both the author and I are left feeling quite sad about the limited range of depth and emotion men are “allowed” to express.

Interestingly, I was reading Playful Parenting at the same time. While the book’s main message is that children live, communicate, and learn primarily through play, it also echoed the same sad reality about boys in our culture (and on the flip-side, girls too).

Simply, boys are encouraged to be tough and competitive and their emotions relegated to associated feelings of anger and hardness, and any hint of perceived weakness is effectively snuffed out. Girls are encouraged to be nurturing and pleasing and their emotions relegated to associated feelings of compassion and softness, and any hint of perceived defiance is snuffed out.

If play is both expansive and creative yet contained safely, children of either gender have the space to play out “the other side” of what culture allows.

Right around then, I was browsing the books at the farmers market, and Sue Monk Kidd’s Traveling with Pomegranates: A Mother-daughter Story caught my eye. I typed it into my cell phone’s memo pad application, put it on hold when I got home, and shortly thereafter checked it out of the library. Once I started reading, I couldn’t put the book down and finished it in just two days.

As I read, Kidd’s knowledge of and personal journey around the Divine Feminine became a central theme, which drew me into the novel only more deeply. Here is a grown woman (with an adult daughter of her own) discussing all the intricate ways she is (still) trying to de-program herself (for lack of a more poetic term) from some of the girl-ness/woman-ness that has been expected of her over a lifetime.

Kidd also discusses her hard look at her religious upbringing and attempts to reconcile patriarchically-dominated Christian history with a deeper exploration of women’s roles in the fabric of the world’s largest religion. Juicy stuff and so timely too.

Then I recently popped in a DVD that a friend gave to me several months ago, Raising Cain: Exploring the Inner Lives of America’s Boys. Watching this documentary really solidified a fear of mine. Sure, the fear began to build well before any of this reading and exploration, but viewing and reflecting on the DVD spelled it out very clearly for me — I’m afraid of raising a boy. “Fear” doesn’t quite capture what I’m feeling and over-simplifies what’s brewing inside, but this the most concise way to put it.

So as I sit here (and have been sitting here for several months now) without a hint of new life inside my womb, I wonder about the greater Plan and the greater Wisdom at work. This extra time between children has allowed for more space to explore and grow, and I trust that this Baby Spirit will know when to come. He or she is just waiting for me to be the mother he or she needs.

Continuing with Taylor’s interest in ballet, we checked out two more Angelina Ballerina books. In Angelina and Alice, Angelina and Alice become fast friends when they discover a shared love for gymnastics. In (my opinion) an unnecessary plot twist, Alice quite abruptly betrays the friendship, and then, just as abruptly, mends the wound and offers to partner with Angelina before the school’s performance at the village festival.

In Angelina at the Palace, Angelina, Miss Lilly (Angelina’s ballet teacher), and Henry (Angelina’s cousin) are invited to the palace to choreograph a performance for the three princesses. As Angelina frets over not being as perfect as the princesses, Miss Lilly falls ill, and Angelina must step in to lead the production. As they all prepare for the ballet, Angelina discovers that the princesses aren’t perfect afterall and that she is capable of overseeing a successful performance.

Continuing with Taylor’s interest in butterflies, we also checked out three butterfly-themed books. In Velma Gratch & the way cool butterfly, Velma is the youngest of three sisters and determined to make her mark at school. After a few bumbled attempts at expressing her individuality, Velma follows her passion for science and reads up on butterflies before the class’s field trip to the butterfly conservatory. While on the trip, a monarch takes a liking to Velma and follows her home (and to gym class, to ballet, to soccer…) until everyone at school knows about Velma and her butterfly. Velma’s winged friend has no intentions of leaving its comfy perch on Velma’s finger until Velma reunites the monarch with its butterfly buddies just in time for “My-gray-sun” (Migration!).

In Becoming Butterflies a class observes and documents caterpillars’ journeys to becoming butterflies, introducing young readers to the phases and vocabulary of metamorphosis. Megan Halsey approaches illustration in a unique way, painting on watercolor paper, cutting each individual image out, and then pasting them on top of one another to create depth.

I think we’ve actually checked out Fancy Nancy, Bonjour Butterfly before, as the Fancy Nancy series is perfect for girls who appreciate girly things. Nancy and her best friend, Bree, excitedly prepare for Bree’s butterfly-themed birthday party until Nancy’s mom delivers devastating news — Nancy can’t go to Bree’s party because Nancy’s grandparents’ anniversary party is that same weekend. While Nancy initially mourns this discovery, she comes around and enjoys the exquisitely divine aspects of traveling and partying.

I was drawn to John Thompson’s rich, almost-photographic paintings of a family preparing their first Thanksgiving dinner without their beloved Bubbe (grandmother). As silly as it sounds, I was especially delighted to see that Mrs. Yee’s character is illustrated with such precision. Mrs. Yee’s Chinese countenance is just so perfectly…Chinese.

I spotted Tooth on the Loose on a table and thought it would be a perfect match, as Taylor’s interest in loose teeth and tooth fairies continues. (Check here, here, and here for other books we’ve read on this subject.) Too bad I didn’t flip through it before we checked it out. Taylor enjoys it, but it kinda makes me cringe. The super cheesy rhyme scheme is almost unbearable. Usually, bilingual books are great, but the Spanish sprinkled throughout the plot line only accentuates the cheesy rhyme scheme.

Lisa’s mother insists that Lisa check her pockets for forgotten items before putting her clothes in the wash. Corduroy decides that he wants a pocket too, so he wanders off in search of a pocket for himself and eventually stays overnight at the laundromat because Lisa can’t find him. Once they are reunited, Lisa sews A Pocket for Corduroy.

I attended a lecture called “Winter Wellness” last night given by our pediatricians, and I am abundantly grateful for their practice and their dedication to holistic wellness. The doctors provided attendees with a packet of information on promoting and maintaining optimal health, and I also took notes as the doctors spoke. What you’ll read below are my notes.

Key Take-home Messages

• Stay grounded and follow your intuition, being careful not to be swept away by others’ (often fearful) energy.
• Keep the body (the host, the organism as a whole) in an optimal state to avoid succumbing to illness (as opposed to micro-managing germs). Be proactive as opposed to reactive.

Immune System

• Symptoms are not caused by virus or bacteria but are signs that our immune system is working.
• Fevers, discharges, and rashes are healthy responses to illness.
• Letting the immune system complete its reaction can prevent further or worsening illness.

Therapeutic Order
Rather than offering a prescription medication at the onset of illness, our pediatricians follow the therapeutic order (below), beginning with the least invasive measure and increasing the level of intervention as needed.

• Nutrition
• Supplements
• Homeopathy
• Herbal medicine
• Allopathic (i.e. traditional Western, pharmaceutical) medicine

Nutrition

• Consume the highest-quality, whole foods (i.e. local, organic produce and pasture-raised meats and dairy products). Consume as little processed foods as possible.
• Be mindful of refined sugar intake. Acute ingestion reduces neutrophil phagocytosis and inhibits lymphocyte function.
• Avoid cold, damp foods (both in the literal sense and in the ways that Traditional Chinese Medicine classifies foods as “cold” or “cooling”).
• Avoid foods that contribute to congestion (i.e. dairy, bananas, citrus, specific food sensitivities).
• Include bone broths in your diet, adding onion, garlic, astralagus, and mushrooms to fortify the broth with additional nutrients. Bone broths may be served in baby food purees, sippy cups, soups, stews, rice preparation, and just about anywhere a recipe calls for liquid.

Vitamin D

• Helps the body fight infections, with low vitamin D levels resulting in more colds and flus.
• Our doctors recommend 400 IU for breastfed infants, 800-2,000  IU for toddlers (at 35 units per pound per day), and 2,000 IU for adults and children 5 years and older.

Essential Fatty Acids

• The Western diet is typically comprised of a 20:1 ratio of omega-6’s to omega-3’s (or more!). The healthy ratio is closer to 1:1.
• Omega-6’s come from beef, chicken, safflower oil, sunflower oil, canola oil and soybean oil.
• Omega-3’s come from cod liver oil, fish oil, flax seed oil, mackerel, salmon, halibut, and sardines. Omega-3’s are responsible for regulating fluidity of cell membranes and promoting anti-inflammatory prostaglandins.

Probiotics

• Push out yeast and bacteria.
• Secrete antimicrobial mediates.
• Enhance intestinal and systemic immune function.
• Maintain intestinal permeability and integrity.
• Foods rich in probiotics include yogurt, kefir, tempeh, sauerkraut, kimchee and other fermented foods.

Homeopathy
Some believe that homeopathy is complete hooey because homeopathic remedies don’t contain actual substance, but rather, the essence (or vibrational energy) of a substance. So to the nay-sayers, I say, “Whatever. To each his or her own.”

Homeopathic remedies don’t have side effects and aren’t contraindicated with any other treatments, so it’s worth a try. At the very worst, it just won’t work. At the very best, it’ll work like magic. Instead of masking, suppressing, and/or relieving symptoms only (as allopathic medicines do), homeopathy supports one’s vital force.

Fever

• Is just a symptom and doesn’t tell you how sick a child is.
• Plays a role in fighting infection.
• Look at the child, not the thermometer. (104 degrees is common.)
• Keep the child warm and administer homeopathy. Administer ibuprofen if the child is uncomfortable.
• However, fevers in infants less than 2 months-old need medical attention.

Flu

• Is characterized by a fever greater than 102-degrees, aches, fatigue, headache, cough, and a slightly runny nose.
• Treat early with elderberry (3-4 times a day) and homeopathy (Oscillococcinum).

H1N1

• Patients in this practice who have experienced the H1N1 virus have not been sicker than regular flu patients and have not been sicker than regular flu patients in previous years.
• The H1N1 death rate (which is not an exact number but a projected number) is not higher than previous years or higher than the seasonal flu death rate.
• Our doctors have yet to understand why the H1N1 received so much attention.

Additional Information
The packet the doctors provided is filled with information that was not specifically covered in the presentation. Topics include:

• Common homeopathic remedies to keep at home
• Recipe for immune-building soup
• Recipe for immune support breakfast
• Magic socks treatment for colds, congestion, fevers and coughs
• Chest rub for coughs and congestion
• Neti pot instructions
• More vitamin D information
• Ibuprofen dosages
• Steam inhalation instructions

I left the lecture last night feeling nourished, supported and empowered. How’s that for quality healthcare?